How you and I understand something will never be completely the same. We may attribute something with a very basic common understanding, but our deepest internalization will never equate.
This is perspective. Our points of view are really how we understand and identify with them.
Our perspectives are influenced and conditioned by our understanding of the world and the way it works. The way we’re brought up, the languages we speak, the experiences we have, the people we surround ourself with and our immediate relationships; these factors all contribute to the way we identify and relate to one another.
I had the fortune of having a number of conversations recently ranging from topics like work and common social interests, to deeply personal conversations about belief systems. The one pattern I noticed was that everyone brought forth their own perspective. On the surface, that seems like a fairly obvious fact. We’re all different, of course our perspectives are. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it’s not so much our points of view, but rather, we laid out our identities on the line. We exposed the inner most parts of ourselves discussing what we believe to be true and how we feel about certain things.
Let me give two examples. The first is gossip, a petty conversation to have, but incredibly entertaining at times. We all do it. It’s not the best part of us but we do it.
With gossip, we discuss small ideas and other people. We hear that this couple moved in together, that person got fired from their job, and another person is travelling wildly this summer, I mean, how can they afford to? I’d like to quickly point out that there’s one difference between gossip and ranting – gossip is jumping to conclusions, ranting is expressing out raw feelings about things that do concern us. Back to gossip now – what we’re doing when we discuss this, is sharing our most surface level identity – how we see ourselves in others and their situations. We immediately judge with our first thoughts. We’re trying to attach our own value to something that isn’t our business and doesn’t concern us. The truth of the matter is that it doesn’t matter. We’re not those people. We are not in those situations. Nevertheless, the first thing we try to do here is relate to something unrelated to us. Petty, unnecessary, but part of our nature. This is personally why I try to stay away from gossip as much as possible. I don’t care that I can relate. Why try to attach myself to something that has no affect on my life? But as I said, it’s entertaining at times.
The second example is belief systems. These conversations are not that easy to have and actually do matter. They challenge our core identity. Our perspectives here are (or, in my opinion, should be) well thought out, organized, and have real value because they give our lives more meaning. They are not surface level, petty, how-do-people-see-me discussions, they are how-do-I-see-myself discussions. Our concerns here dictate our actions for the most part. They determine our personalities, how we choose to see the world and behave. These perspectives can cause real conflicts, as seen throughout history. People wage wars based on belief systems – and you can’t even see them! But what happens when someone challenges your perspective? Truthfully, they’re challenging your identity. They’re challenging what gives you any real meaning at all, which can really shake someone up. After everything you’ve spent your life in and building around, is suddenly being lifted by its roots and shaken around. It’s a terrible feeling but it happens a lot. However, I think something important to keep in mind is that we all feel the same in this regard. We don’t want our identities to be broken in any way, and so we force our perspectives onto one another.
My takeaway from this entire post, is that our perspectives are really our identities. What we need to do are create moments of understanding and appreciate one another. We all deserve to be respected and should work together to create new understandings. If this isn’t possible, then the next best course of action is to agree to disagree. Just let things be. This isn’t the safe option, it’s the smart option. If there is no cooperation, then at the least we can do is avoid any sort of tension. As a personal opinion, I highly encourage people to continuously challenge their own perspectives and identities. It will help with self growth, understanding, and appreciation for the world around us.
At least, that’s my perspective.
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