“Never go to bed angry.”
“Happy wife, happy life.”
“Just shut up and say you’re sorry.”
I know these phrases are supposed to be funny, but they’re legit. I love being married, but marriage is hard work for real. It’s teamwork requiring effort from both partners. Today being our 1st wedding anniversary, I thought it would be great to share some insights about what we’ve (at least, I have) learned along the way:
COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE AND HONESTY
Communicating with love and honesty is so important. I realized long ago that partners who hide things from one another are setting themselves up for disappointment and possible failure. I don’t believe it’s a healthy way to live. I also don’t believe in playing dumb games because they are stupid at this level. If that’s you, then you might be stuck in a high school state of mind. I recommend re-thinking what a relationship means to you. I’m not judging – that’s just my advice.
Communicating with love and honesty also requires removing your ego. Having an ego, in general, is somewhat pointless and is even more useless in a loving and honest relationship. Just stop being so proud all the time. Let it go.
MAKE TIME FOR DATES
Falling in love and being in love are two different things. Falling in love is about infatuation; being in love is putting in work. Making time for “just the two of us” benefits your relationship and both of you individually. Dates are about connecting and building on all levels. I know couples who are much older than I who still make time for themselves – you can see the wonders it does for the way they function as a unit.
Have fun on date night – whatever date night looks like to you. Whether trying a new activity or dining at a new restaurant, make sure to enjoy each other’s company. Put your phone away and inform people to only reach out if there’s an emergency. Refrain from immediately posting on social media. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing in real-time. (Also – no one cares that much.)
SPLIT UP HOUSEWORK
It sucks being the person doing all the work in a group project. I know I hate it and most definitely expect more in a partnership. Pull your weight by learning to do things – like cooking, cleaning, some handy work, etcetera to share responsibilities. Again, I’m not judging, but these things go a long way. Every relationship is different. If my wife and I have learned anything, it’s making sure we’re able to help each other with any task at hand.
I also advise collaborating instead of compromising. Compromising leaves one person somewhat unhappy and never fully satisfied with the result. That will happen but look for opportunities where both partners get what they want without having to give anything up. It’s much easier said than done but it can be done.
NEVER COMPARE WITH OTHERS
Comparing your relationships to others is a terrible idea. You’re not other people, you don’t live their lives, and so I don’t believe in looking at them as “goals.” Yes, there are elements of other relationships you may admire and want to incorporate in your own, as we often do with sources of inspiration, but NEVER compare your relationship with what you see, hear, or may even know. I can guarantee that comparing will lead to unhappiness. Focus your energy on things you can improve in your relationship. The two of you can make things better for yourselves.
No marriage is perfect because no two people are perfect – we’re human and will always strive to improve. I can say with 100% certainty that my wife and I try as hard as we can to make things work. That’s what makes me excited about our marriage. It’s always a work in progress that we can have fun. It’s all about us and remembering we’re teammates. There are so many things to look forward to and we can’t wait to get to all those stages in life.
Here’s to year 1 with the rest of our lives to go.
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